This is The Forgiveness Project - a 30 day adventure in forgiving, forgetting and everything in between.
Armed with a copy each of A Course in Miracles, a set of forgiveness tools and a steadfast intention, Ell and me are setting out to forgive unreservedly for 30 days. I wonder what on earth (and in heaven) is going to happen...?
I once read that in order to forgive you must first forget otherwise you would have nothing to forgive. Thankfully, over the years I have become more aware and this prevents me from forgetting for long. Mr ego likes to keep love at arms length, but I know from experience that the only way to truly experience love in this lifetime is to expose the ego for what it is - a fearful thought. Tonight I had a wobbly moment and reacted with fear to something Ell shared. However, I fumbled around in the dark for awhile and found the courage to bring these thoughts to the light for cleansing and purification. This placed me in a much better postion to forgive myself and Ell - and that my friends is what miracle mindedness is all about.
Today I have forgiven my mechanic; for selling me a dodgy tire, and leaving me driving Winston around West Sussex with a bright orange space saver wheel that looks like I stole it from a really crap moped. Even the pensioners are laughing at me.I am also forgiving him for being uncontactable 99% of the time.
Today Ell and me went on a road trip. Driving is full of opportunities for radical forgiveness. In my experience driving can turn even the nicest people into raving lunatics. When I am behind the wheel I like driving at the speed of life; breathing deeply whilst taking in the beautiful scenery. Unfortunately, as I encounter bad/dangerous driving, speeding, people cutting me up, and road rage this state of driving grace quickly disintegrates - my breathing becomes shallow, and the beautiful scenery is quickly replaced with a murderous road rage towards the so called culprits. In other words;I become what I defend against - a raving lunatic!
So, today I chose to forgive the following ..
A boy racer who swerved dangerously across the road without signalling.
A lorry driver for almost touching Winstons bumper on the motorway.
Ell's dodgy gear changes.
The woman who tried to turn a sharp bend whilst holding a mobile phone to her ear.
Winstons steering wheel for constantly vibrating.
A elderly person for driving at 15 mph in a 50 mph zone.
Today I forgave the computer for being an absolute arse. If me an 'Dell' were a married couple I would probably have filed for divorce a long time ago - or at least suggested couples counselling. I think Dell may be male because he seems to get upset when I give him lots of things to do at the same time. I also struggle with doing lots of things at the same time, which means that 'Dell' and me have something in common. Knowing this helped me to have a better understanding of 'Dell'.
URGENT NOTICE: I later discovered that 'Dells' porridge moment had nothing whatsoever to do with his ability to multi task, as there was an anti virus programme running at the same time. I have since apologised to 'Dell' and forgiven the anti virus instead, for picking on 'Dell' at a time when he was most vulnerable.
|It can be but myself I crucify - ACIM|
Let's cut the crap - I am without a shadow of a doubt the most judge-MENTAL person that I know!
I snapped at Ell over a piece of cake. I kid you not. She did an Ollie Twist and asked for more, and I swore at her. It reminded me of breakfast as a boy when I would watch Dad eat a second helping of cornflakes and ask him if I could do the same, and for some reason he would shame me. For a moment I became Dad,nd Ell became me, and I ended up shaming her for doing the same thing.Beneath the touch exterior I was just doing the rounds, trying to prove that I was guilty and unlovable. I have since chosen to forgive myself and remember the truth about myself and Ell. We are both innocent and loved.
Today, I spent most of the day studying Endocrine & Nervous Systems for my exam in Anatomy & Physiology which will take place on the 8th October. It wasn't long before the voice inside my head started screaming at me. It kept saying that I am a ' failure' and 'rubbish'. I continued with my studies but struggled to understand even the simplest things. My head started aching and I went into meltdown. When Ell arrived home from work I was in full self destruct mode. So, she encouraged me to stop what I was doing and take care of myself - and that is exactly what I did. I decided to leave the battleground and start the day again; had a nap, ate a simple healthy dinner consisting of brown rice, fish and veggies and spent the rest of the night relaxing with my favourite gal.
'Brother, take not one step in the descent to hell. For having taken one, you will not recongnize the rest for what they are. And they will follow. Attack in any form has placed your foot upon the twisted stairway that leads from Heaven. Yet any instant it is possible to have all this undone. How can you know whether you chose the stairs to Heaven or the way to Hell? Quite easily. How do you feel? Is peace in your awareness?Are you certain which way to go? And are you sure the goal of Heaven can be reached. If not you walk alone. Ask, then, your Friend to join with you, and give you certainty of where you go.' - ACIM
FORGIVENESS IN THE WORKPLACE
I work part time in a cafe somewhere in the middle of nowhere. In my limited experience the workplace is the perfect place to practice forgiveness because wherever there are people there are grievances and wherever there are grievances their are endless opportunities to practice forgiveness.
Today I forgave the following people and things ...
Things got off to a flying start before I even arrived at the workplace - I was running late and in a bid to arrive on time I drove my car at 70mph through a 40 mph zone. This was really irresponsible but I decided to forgive myself anyway and committed to driving at the speed of life in future.
My first customer was someone who really annoys me. In all the time I have worked in the cafe this particular customer has ordered the same thing every week - two lattes and a packet of digestive biscuits. I once read that sameness kills. Well, my fellow bloggers if this is true then this particular customer is well and truly dead - just biding time till they are buried. Anyway, I made the decision to forgive and had a lovely conversation with them about lattes through the ages.
Another customer rudely clicked his fingers at me and asked me to remove his empty tray from the table. Things like this really make me mad. For a split second my mind ran riot with thoughts of smashing the tray over his head, and then I looked down and saw the walking stick, and that was enough for a change in my thinking.
In the ego's world it's so easy to make judgments about people based on first impressions. The ego always speaks first, the Holy Spirit second. Becoming curious about people is definitely the way forward and the workplace is the perfect place to practice. During my time at the cafe I have met people who seemed angry and impatient only to discover that they had cancer or they had lost a loved one. And the only reason I discovered this is because I chose love over fear and made the time to get to know them.
Marianne Williamson said that when we invite forgiveness into our lives everything that will piss us off will be along the way. There may be some truth in this because today I invited forgiveness into my life and EVERYTHING that could piss me off quickly followed.
Okay here goes ...
Today I have forgiven the following people and things ...
A man in a car who couldn't be bothered to give way and almost caused a head on collision.
My beautiful fiancee for struggling to replace the toothpaste cap after using. (I keep reminding her that replacing the cap helps develop core strength)
The computer for deciding to pull a sicky. I got really pissed off with it and shouted at it. Since then I have realised that we all have our off days and made amends and now it seems to be working just fine.
The MP3 player which I filled with thousands of funky tunes passed away during the early hours of the morning. Initially, I was bloody annoyed but I have since come to the realization that everybody and everything dies sooner or later and somehow that makes it okay. The MP3 has since gone to MP3 heaven and all is well in my world.
|Nick was a dead ringer for the shopkeeper in Mr Benn|
|His hair really did look like this baby orangutan|