Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Rise and Shine

This morning I awoke to a  beautiful note from my beloved Elloa ...

Nige .. there is such stillness at 5.00 am. It's so peaceful. The day stretches out before me, a red carpet laid out specifically for me to walk upon this day, which leads to miracle upon  miracle. And for each child of God, a red carpet all of their own is rolled out, awaiting their footsteps upon it.
All across the world, we walk upon our own red carpet, our curriculum set by Spirit. I am so grateful to have crossed carpets with you in this lifetime.

Today .. gentleness
              softly, softly



Tuesday, 19 April 2011


This afternoon whilst working in the cafe I was asked to serve tea and scones and jam and clotted cream from a group of partial blind elderly people.

There is something quite satisfying and somewhat humbling in pouring tea for a partially blind elderly person or spreading thick strawberry jam on a homemade scone.

During  my time spent looking after the partially blind I met a wonderful lady with sparkly eyes called Smiler. Smiler was 101 years old. We chatted about life  and I asked her what the secret was to her longetivity to which she replied ... Contentment. WOW! This lady had lived through 10 decades and witnessed everything from two world wars, Edisons invention of the 1st talking motion picture, the death of princess Diana, barbie dolls and even Will Kellogg introducing cornflakes.

As I said goodbye to Smiler I realized that I may never see her again, and as she shuffled away I saw the great rays surrounding her body and radiating out, gently touching my heart like a brightly coloured flower.

When I left the building, I listened to the birdsong and drove home at a leisurely pace taking in the beautiful English countryside and I too felt content.

Today, a blind lady taught me that real vision goes beyond the body's eyes. The gift of sight is a wonderful thing and in every single moment I am faced with one of two choices; to open my eyes to love or to keep them shut tight and my heart closed. It's either love or fear every time.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Herein lies true contentment.

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

Earthy Silk

Upturned palms
emit pure light
flowing tears
in the breath of night
we murmur
of angels blue
crystal teardrops
pure and true
divine light
this gentle breeze
of mind
and you.

Monday, 4 April 2011

Life At The Speed of Bike

Earlier today I put on my cycling gear and went for a bike ride in the West Sussex countryside.
When I was a young lad,  learning to ride a bike was my first taste of freedom and presented me with the opportuntity to get away from it all. In the beginning, Mum forbade me to ride on the road, so I  embarked on brilliant back street adventures. Today, I still  I adore the sense of freedom that comes with riding a bike.

Bike speed is best  because its a bit like flying without wings and it enables me to witness wonderful things - like  birds of prey, fallow deer, beautiful landscapes, changing seasons, tea and cake.
I have no desire to enter the Tour De France. I prefer to let the racing boys zip by afterall I have nothing to prove, preferring to take in the sights instead.

Occasionally, I ride with my old pal Dave Richards ( see right) and sometimes I ride alongside mighty companion Elloa. (Unfortunately, Ell recently crashed during an off road adventure and her enthusiasm for life at the speed of bike has been temporarily put on hold.) Mostly, I  ride alone.  

When I was a young lad Dad encouraged me to join the Cycle Touring Club. Every Sunday morning a group of us would meet down beneath the railway arches in Whalley, Lancashire, and together we would embark on the most incredible adventures. I have fond memories of those Sunday jaunts with the CTC. I especially loved riding alongside Dad when I was growing up. He was my rock. 

I miss him.

Maybe this is why I currently choose to ride alone. When I ride alone I am in my power. My legs are spinning but my heart is still, and I feel his presence.

One of the things I would like to achieve in this lifetime is to ride this beautiful country from bottom to top. When I have completed this gruelling ride I will cross it off my bucket list of things to do before I kick the bucket.

' It is finished in beauty' - From the Navajo

Sunday, 3 April 2011

All Powerful

Clouded memories
fade innocently
in secluded corners
of hectic days
often flustered
all powerful
in a maze
of existence
silently appreciative
in every way
- Mother.


Saturday, 2 April 2011


'Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense  that we have figured out how to live so that our lives matter, so that the world will be at least a little different for our having passed through it.' - Harold Kushner

Friday, 1 April 2011

Befriending Fear

I want to continue with my confession because I'm aware that this is a healing for me.

For some strange reason Mum had a zero tolerance approach to illness and vulnerability. She was doing her best, but I spent huge chunks of my childhood  thinking that I would be punished if I disclosed my emotional reality. I have a tendency to attack myself when it comes to the state of my health. The ego tells me its not okay for me to be seen when Im feeling unwell, or that its not okay for me to share how I am really feeling as a result of the illness. So I end up feeling sad and alone.

Today I intend to walk a different path - one of acceptance and compassion.

I have already taken the first step to healing this mistaken belief by busting my ego and revealing that I have been feeling unwell. I was under the impression that you  would all run away in terror but the response was quite the opposite because you all took a step towards me and the feedback from Julia and Brooke was really helpful.

It never ceases to amaze me that we are led to believe that if we disclose certain things about ourselves - dark cornerstones of our mind - then people would recoil in terror and would run away. But when we do find the courage to speak up and tell our secrets, then Spirit rushes in to meet us there and there is only Love.

Brooke and Julia made the time to write loving responses to my disclosure and helped remind me that it is perfectly acceptable to be a human being, regardless of what society teaches me about what being a so-called man is all about. You, Brooke and Julia, reminded me that my vulnerability is my strength.

' Do not hide suffering from His sight, but bring it gladly to Him. Lay before His eternal sanity all your hurt, and let Him heal you. Do not leave any spot of pain hidden from His Light, and search your mind carefully for any thoughts you may fear to uncover. For he will heal every little thought you have kept to hurt you and cleanse it of its littlenss, restoring it to the magnitude of God. ' - A Course In Miracles

Breaking this pattern involves befriending fear and treating myself with kindness. I've lived with this fear based pattern for as long as I can remember, and it has served a purpose. Disclosing my confession yesterday was a step in the right direction for me, and I want to keep moving forward because I want to take a step closer to God. I'm really aware that this is nothing to do with my physical health but everything to do with the quality of the thoughts I'm thinking. By starting to disclose my stuff around this, it'll put me in a better position to change my mind. Hopefully then I can experience better health.

So, this morning I rang in sick at work and intend to spend the day resting and recharging. Today is a beautiful day for practising gentleness and acceptance.

The journey continues...