I feel embarrassed about making this confession because I am afraid that you will see me as weak. However, I am willing to take a chance and break this silence because it is holding me back.
Okay here goes …
What I don't want you to know is that I have been feeling unwell (off and on) for the past 18 months. It's like one step forward, two steps back. In other words, I can't stand up for falling down.
This morning I awoke around 5am feeling like death had entered the room. My body was shaking and my head pounding . Confused and paralysed with fear I sat on the edge of the bed and prayed for guidance...
... HELP ME
My friend,
ReplyDeleteI don't even quite know where to begin...it's very apparent that there is some seriously intense energy going on right now. Everywhere I turn, there it is--inside, outside, all around. It seems everyone I know is experiencing overwhelming emotions/feelings.
When I read your words, I immediately thought of a book that I recently got, it's called "Frequency, the Power of Personal Vibration by Penney Peirce." Here are a few words from that book:
"You've no doubt noticed that we live in chaotic yet amazingly potent times. Just as restless animals sense an impending earthquake, you may feel a big change brewing. It's hard not to notice that everything is volatile as boiling water. The upside is that the volatility is shaking us up and pushing us to experience ourselves in an entirely new way--less as solid physical bodies separated by empty space and more as energetically vibrational beings living interdependently with other vibrational beings in a vibrational world."
There is so much in this book that speaks to this intensity. You can hop on Amazon and read more, right from the book.
Know that you have the best guide ever, right inside of you. I am sending my love, dear person. Remember what you always say, it's safe to let go...it is, really. You are held and so very loved. <3
Dearest Nige,
ReplyDeleteI am right there with you, brother. There is something ripping through me, like it really wants me to just give up and stop, no more trying, no more doing it on my own power--ultimate surrender.
Whatever this is, recalibration, restructuring, birthing a new way? it has to be the most painful thing I've ever had to be with. Emotionally and physically. WTF?! It feels like there has been a death and at the same time like I just won't let something die, doing everything to hold on to it. And I cannot pinpoint it in my thought system. It is just there swirling, like a natural disaster.
Something in me is trusting though, that somehow this is the way home--to ride these painful waves, and learn that this final frontier is what I am ready for--I think it is teaching me how to truly find union with people--to put it all out there, and say, man, I just can't do this on my own. I get it now--please help.
So, I salute you and thank you for reaching out and letting us be there with you.
I'm looking at it like this: I'm on my knees, and I can't get up--I won't even pretend that I can--and this time I am waiting to be lifted up--no other way will do.
I've been doing a lot of sleeping, and walking around like a zombie when I'm awake. I admit it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FM5Akcjraw&feature=related I love this song by Cher. Makes me feel better.
This Rumi quote also helped me:
'Do not seek any rules or method of worship. Say whatever your pained heart chooses.' ~Rumi
On a more practical level, you might be check out Emotional Freedom by Judith Orloff MD. It has been recommended to me as of late, and sounds promising in dealing with empaths that can be completely overwhelmed by this world.
You are not alone, friend, even if it completely feels that way, even when you know it isn't true!!!
Here is what I'm sending you, (thinking, thinking)
oh yes, a big high five!:)
I find it is best to meet this mind with the best of incongruence:):)
By the way, we will never see you as weak.
ReplyDeleteBut I know that same fear well, because there have been so many times I have felt clear, and then the clouds come back. How can you not feel afraid when this is your normal?
Maybe the strength comes from realizing that the little we's are just children with this stuff, and this is how it is supposed to go down. Maybe we should just go out and play together, and keep an ear perked for the call Home. Wouldn't want to miss supper!